DIVORCE AND SEPARATION
Families forward. Child centered. Parents empowered.
In 2012, I attended my first mediation training on divorce and children. What happened to my children and my co-parenting relationship in the court setting made me determined to find a better path for kids and families going through separation and divorce. I went to Australia for Child Inclusive Mediation training because Australia was leading the world at the time for weaving the child's voice and developmental needs in a meaningful way into legal arrangements that directly affect the child. I continue to be determined and passionate about making divorce better for parents, kids, families. I often work with a mom or dad where communication with their coparent is particularly difficult. You will have a safe place to explore your values, needs, wants, experience of your coparent and discover paths forward that bring less stress to you as well as your children. If you have been through or expect high conflict divorce dynamics, you have found a good place to start understanding your options as well as create more peaceful interactions.
PARENTING PLAN SPECIALIST/MEDIATOR
I am often an adjunct professional that couples use and/or attorneys recommend to focus on the parenting plan.
In both options below, I work in conjunction with your mediator, co-mediators or litigating attorney. Typically, I interface with the attorney or attorneys, provide them and you brief updates with agreements from our sessions and keep the parenting plan organised in order to provide the final version to the attorney/s for use in the Marital Settlement Agreement.
If any areas of the parenting plan are NOT agreed upon during our time together, just those areas of disagreement go back to your mediator, co-mediators or litigating attorneys. That is to say, if for some reason you cannot agree on every point of the parenting plan, you have a fall back plan.
CHILD INFORMED MEDIATION
Child informed means that we will look through a developmental lens during our meetings, keeping your children central in your decisions. We will also keep an eye on the child/ren's coping with family changes as they unfold. As a mental health professional, I can recognize signs of distress in children and would be able to provide resources for the family.
We work through every legal aspect needed for your final parenting plan, written in your own language, that meets court requirements. Your attorneys draw up the final draft.
All parenting plan points are mediated (parenting time, holidays, special days, transitions as well as medical, educational and extracurricular decision agreements.). If you cannot reach agreement on any points required for your parenting plan, only the sticking points go back to your attorney or attorneys to resolve.
All material, property and support portions of your settlement are reserved for other professionals on your team (mediator, co-mediator, litigating attorney and/or CDFA).
CHILD INCLUDED MEDIATION
All the points of Child Informed Mediation apply.
The difference is that an outside child specialist is included as part of the team to help inform parents of their child/ren's experience, needs and hopes. The child specialist talks with each of the children and then provides a feedback session to parents and myself. We incorporate essential information into the parenting plan. Children are not decision makers in this model. They do have a voice in the process that is considered in a meaningful way. The Child Included Mediation means your parenting plan is tailored to your children rather than using generalities about development and kids’ divorce adjustment.
I have a list of child specialists I can provide for you both to consider.
DIVORCE COACH
For Any Divorce Process
In this role, I provide an open, nurturing space to process your experiences and changes brought on by the divorce as well as specific communication tools to survive (hopefully thrive in!) the co-parent relationship with your soon to be ex-spouse. I can also connect you to needed services during and after the divorce - therapists, financial experts, co-parent counsellors, child therapists.
I provide resources such as books, blogs and web sites that have accurate and beneficial information for families.
If you would describe your soon to be ex as difficult, you may benefit from this service. Clients tend to experience better preparedness for meetings with mediators/attorneys, better adjustment to the divorce changes, improved communication skills and be more attentive to the children’s adjustment when adding the divorce coach support.
For Collaborative Divorce
In this role, the divorce coach is included in an entire team of divorce professionals: 2 attorneys, 2 coaches and 1 financial neutral. Each team member is trained specifically in conflict reduction and the team works collaboratively to resolve all issues with the coaches taking the lead on the parenting plan, communication and emotional regulation and agreement readiness during meetings.
I assist you in building communication skills, managing emotions, moderating reactions. These skills contribute to productive communications both during the divorce and in the future - whether with your ex or other difficult, conflictual settings.
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TEEN OR ADULT CHILD SPECIALIST
For Collaborative Divorce
As a licensed mental health provider, I have expertise and experience working with children and parents going through separation and divorce. The Child Specialist educates about the children's post separation needs in order to enhance their adjustment, provides a safe space for children to be heard, provides information to inform your co-parent decisions, can assist with conflict disengagement and serves on the Collaborative divorce team as a neutral representative of each child’s needs in the divorce process. I work with teens and adults.
COPARENT COUNSELING
During or After Divoce
Sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees when dealing our ex-spouse - tensions are high, misunderstandings abound, you don't feel respected or seen by your co-parent. There has been so much wrongdoing to get to this place of mistrust. How do we overcome our past to create a better future?
Co-parenting can be a challenging experience, regardless of whether your co-parent is easy-going or difficult. However, seeking co-parent counseling can help improve your communication, reduce conflict between you and your coparent and bring your children into focus during difficult decisions. Specialized communication skills for higher conflict, creating shared goals around what you want for your children, healthy boundaries and new partner integration are all areas that can be addressed with respect and nonj-udgement in coparent counseling.
PARENT CHILD CONTACT PROBLEMS
Also Known As Resist-Refuse Dynamics
Does your child struggle with transitions from household to household? Resist calls or time with you? Divorce and post divorce conflict strains children, parents and parent-child relationships. Reconnection therapy can be a positive path forward.
There are multiple variables when a child resists or refuses to see a parent. Fortunately, considerable research is available for us to better understand this dynamic today than ever before. The long term deficits for a child who has resisted or refused a parent are well documented. The goal of treatment is to restore the connection between the parent and child.
Both parents are integral to the work of supporting reunification. I work with all members of the family, sometimes court-ordered or through a stipulation, to repair the parent-child relationship and improve communication between parents. Guidelines are straightforward and can be provided to create an informal agreement between parents or a more formal agreement in the form of a stipulation that attorney/s file with the court.
COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE CALIFORNIA
Legal, Financial and Mental Health Divorce Professionals Dedicated to a Better Way for Couples, Families
Many family relationships can be put under tremendous stress before & during the divorce process. As a divorce coach, I work to protect your family’s long term relationships & to protect children from conflict. I will help you find peaceful, satisfying paths forward for your own well being, and your children's.